October 28th 2005
Do you know what I don’t understand? Why I care so much about the girl Don was with before me. I added her as a friend on myspace so I could keep up with her bulletins and see if she ever mentions him. They broke up long before we went out, but their relationship was serious. I’m not sure why I care so much about what she did or what she’s doing now. But it’s annoying the hell out of me. I wish I could just be completely comfortable and not feel the need to wonder. I’m not sure whether I’m actually jealous or not, or if I just wanna keep tabs on her to make sure she’s not still talking to my Don.
I find myself thinking about him a lot. A whole lot. My mind tends to wander from subject to subject (that’s the ADD kicking in) and somehow I always end up on him. And then I’m smiling and happy, thinking about when we’re together.
Michael called me last night while I was on the phone with Don. I accidently rejected the call, but I had to know what he wanted, so I called him back and asked. He said he was in Arizona for baseball and wanted to talk. I am proud of myself for saying that I was talking to Don and not do the incredibly bitchy thing and hang up with Don to talk to an ex. Especially an ex who’s been playing mind games with me for two years. And I told him I’d call him back later, and I didn’t. So I’m glad for that.
What I’m not glad for is the fact that I still care about him and still want to talk to him sometimes. I wish I could just tell him to leave me alone. I don’t need to mess things up with Don. Not for someone who is not worth my time or energy. God, I hope I don’t fuck anything up with him. He’s just so amazing and I can see this working. Oh please, let this work. Let me be happy.
October 26th 2005
I took this little quiz thing that lots of people on myspace have on their profiles. It’s the Key to Your Heart one. These are my results. And my commentary about how this quiz is bullshit.
You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.
Wrong. That’s me. I am attracted to those who are stable, predictable, and reliable.
In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you’re told that you’re loved.
I’m not sure about the most-alive part, but I do feel most secure. If I’m always told how wonderful I am, it’s hard to doubt it. I feel the most alive when things are crazy and I’m doing stuff I’m not supposed to…like going 150 mph on a backroad with 90 degree turns.
You’d like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful… that you’ll never change.
I’d like them to think that I suppose, but I’m not so much. I will change, if it’s not something too huge. And it’s not something that I really like about myself. I will most definitely change negative behaviors or quirks that I find myself annoyed with anyway. And I’m kinda loyal and kinda faithful, but sometimes I won’t be.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.
Well, I dated Michael for a long time. He was all three.
Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything… no secrets.
Makes things easier, and I have that for the most part with Don. There’s still some things I haven’t told him, and probably won’t ever, but other than that, we’re pretty open. I suppose this one’s true.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
Big fat NO. I’ve cheated before, and I don’t give a shit about society or morality. I’ve broken plenty of commitments.
You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.
I’m not afraid of marriage. I want to get married someday; it’ll confirm the fact that I’m lovable and not an inadequate loser.
In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.
You can still be in love with someone who doesn’t love you back. It happens all the time. A relationship is a commitment that needs two devoted parties. I love this kid who will never feel the same about me (not Don, so don’t worry ’bout that) and it’s still love.
So as you can see, me picking animals in situations doesn’t tell the keys to my heart. All it says is my animal preference. That I like horses over snakes and pidgeons, or lions over crocodiles and sharks. Duh.
October 23rd 2005
Don spent the weekend with me again. And it was amazing. I really love this kid. I know this isn’t very interesting at all…
I don’t have anything to write so I haven’t posted in a few days. And I still don’t have anything new at all…it’s horrible. 
*yawn* I’m pretty tired, too.
October 16th 2005
Yesterday, Don came over for awhile. And then we went to church. Yeah, you read right. Church. And a Catholic church at that. (He’s Catholic.) Then he took me to Taco Bell and back to his grandmother’s house, where we hung out and did a lot of kissing. :upsidedown: That’s the way to do it.
Today I hung out with him again before he went back home. He lives an hour away so I don’t get to see him that much.
I’m in such a great mood because he let me borrow his CDs, and I’m putting them on my computer.
He loves Styx.
They are my favorite band.
This kid is just perfect. For me anyway. *sigh*
I’m so retarded…it’s embarassing me.
October 15th 2005
Last night I went to see Don’s game. I’m not really that into football, but it was still fun anyway. I hung out with his sister the whole time since, of course, I didn’t know anyone there. He did good, but got hurt before halftime.
He looked so hot in his football outfit! I wanted to throw him down right there…but I couldn’t. :crush:
The other night we were on the phone, and guess what he said? That the loved me. I lost my breath, and my heart stopped for a minute. We’ve only been together a little over a month, but we have grown so close and I can honestly say that I love him, too. I told him, of course. :upsidedown:
I hate to be one of those giddy, rambling girls who get on my nerves, but I can’t help it. Besides, this is my site.
Well, he’s amazing. He’s smart, funny, sweet, semi-old-fashioned, which I think is good, great to talk to, and the best thing of all, he makes me smile. Whenever I think about him, I can’t help but smile. He makes me so happy, and I’m still not sure why. Whenever I say it, he always ask WHY, but I still can’t tell him. Maybe it’s because he’s everything I want in a guy? And the fact that he loves me. Or how even though we disagree on things (politics, religion, this damn country, etc.), I love to listen to him try to convince me that he’s right. And he sings, randomly. I feel so safe with him. I know I don’t have to worry about him cheating on me. I know he’ll be there if I need him. I love talking to him.
Wow…I think that’s enough for now. The list of why I love him so much is getting kinda long.
I need to go clean up the house a bit because he’s coming over later. <3
