tehsheriff.org

Blah blah…rambling and stuff.

Do you know what I don’t understand? Why I care so much about the girl Don was with before me. I added her as a friend on myspace so I could keep up with her bulletins and see if she ever mentions him. They broke up long before we went out, but their relationship was serious. I’m not sure why I care so much about what she did or what she’s doing now. But it’s annoying the hell out of me. I wish I could just be completely comfortable and not feel the need to wonder. I’m not sure whether I’m actually jealous or not, or if I just wanna keep tabs on her to make sure she’s not still talking to my Don.

I find myself thinking about him a lot. A whole lot. My mind tends to wander from subject to subject (that’s the ADD kicking in) and somehow I always end up on him. And then I’m smiling and happy, thinking about when we’re together.

Michael called me last night while I was on the phone with Don. I accidently rejected the call, but I had to know what he wanted, so I called him back and asked. He said he was in Arizona for baseball and wanted to talk. I am proud of myself for saying that I was talking to Don and not do the incredibly bitchy thing and hang up with Don to talk to an ex. Especially an ex who’s been playing mind games with me for two years. And I told him I’d call him back later, and I didn’t. So I’m glad for that.

What I’m not glad for is the fact that I still care about him and still want to talk to him sometimes. I wish I could just tell him to leave me alone. I don’t need to mess things up with Don. Not for someone who is not worth my time or energy. God, I hope I don’t fuck anything up with him. He’s just so amazing and I can see this working. Oh please, let this work. Let me be happy.