Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
Malcolm: “You want to know what the best thing about childhood is? At some point it stops.”
Dewey: “I don’t take my legs for granted.”
Lois: “I know honey, you’re a good boy. Stop playing with yourself.”
Malcolm: “The car’s shadow’s going the wrong way, the steering wheel’s on the wrong side, there’s no brake pedal, the words in the mirror should be backwards, the guy’s watch wouldn’t say twelve o’clock if he’s looking at a sunset, and I have red paint on my ass. That’s right, red paint all over my ass.”
Lois: “There’s nothing wrong with being cut from the herd. It makes you the one buffalo that isn’t there when the Indians run the rest of them off the cliff.”
Malcolm: “The only thing worse than no TV, is golf… on TV.”
Malcolm: “That’s the way discussions go down in this family. I tell them my needs, and they say no. Then dad reveals another cartoon character he’s afraid of.”
Dewey: “How much does my head weigh?”
Reese: “How was I supposed to know you can’t keep a squirrel in your locker? They should put a sign, I can’t read minds.”
Dewey: “And then the monster started growling at me, so I threw some rocks at him, and I killed him, and then he started flying around on rocket boost, and I got to ride inside his head, and now the monsters my friend, an we wen– and we went to get Slurpees.”
Reese: “You did not! You just lied!”
Hal: “Reese, if thats what Dewey says happened there’s no reason to argue about it.”
Reese: “No one believes I beat the last level in Mortal Kombat.”
Hal: “Because that’s just ridiculous. No one beats Sub-Zero”
Lois: “Now, you’re gonna be friends with that cripple boy and you’re gonna like it. Understood?”
Lois: “Two of you can have slices of pizza for lunch, the other one can have… I don’t know, I think they’re peas.”
Men’s room attendant to Hal: “Thank you for making eye contact with me.”
Lois: “What do you think you’re doing?”
Hal: “I’m being cute and spontaneous?”
Lois: “Once upon a time there was a little boy who made his mother so crazy she decided to sell him to the circus.”
Dewey: “The evil circus?”
Lois: “No, the nice one with monkeys.”
Stevie: “Mom’s … making …. pizza. Cheeseless…., sauceless…., pizza.”
Malcolm: “That’s just bread.”
Stevie: “Pizza … bread.”
Lois: “You two are banned from Nintendo.”
Malcolm: “Okay.”
Reese: “We’re already banned from Nintendo.”
Malcolm: “The sad thing is, he thinks he just outsmarted her.”
Dewey: “Will this make me taste better to the mosters?”
Hal: “Sure it will, son.”
Malcolm: “Oh my God, I’m a Krelboyne with a brother who’s a cheerleader. I could wet my pants in public and it would be a lateral move.”
Reese: “I’m just not coordinated unless I’m hitting somebody.”
Francis: “So, the thing you’ve been threatening to do all day, but had no intention of doing, you did, but didn’t mean to?”
Mrs. White: “You’re eating my buttons.”
Dewey: “I wasn’t eating, I was saving.”
Mrs. White: “What are you, a hamster?”
